Thanks + Adoption Petition

Thanks to each of you who signed our petition to the USCIS and Congress to ensure that those of us who began our adoption journey prior to the implementation of the Hague Treaty on International Adoption can be grandfathered in to the old system of USCIS approval.

The petition worked and we have now been grandfathered in.

Thank you again. I know many of you - my friends and families - put your electronic John Hancock participated.

There Is No Me Without You

After a conversation about adoption with fellow parents from Noah's class, I sent an email to one of the parents recommending Melissa Fay Greene's book There Is No Me Without You. I also visited Greene's website this morning and read through some of the pages that I may have missed before or simply may not have been up before.

If you are an adoptive parent - regardless of what type of adoption you are doing (International or Domestic), please read through her site carefully. Read especially this page: Though this page is Ethiopian focused, it is such great practical information for ALL adoptive families.

Greene states that many adoption professionals lament the fact that many adoptive families are not educated in regards to adoption and the possibilities. For me, that is simply irresponsible. Adoption, though beautiful, is often not pretty in the beginning and it is a serious act of ignorance to not be prepared for all of the possibilities.

So, families, please educate yourselves on adoption. Also, educate yourselves on the culture and race of your child.

Peace Out.

Dana

Does Pro Life = Pro Adoption?

I have recently began following the blog of an adoptive family (China). Not too unusual. However, this particular family is VERY Christian. Generally, I do not follow those blogs. Okay, a little explanation here. Do I feel I have a calling to adopt? A mandate perhaps? Maybe...okay, yes. But, there are some blogs out there that are so over the top and make such a HUGE distinction between Christians adopting and everyone else that I can rarely stomach it.

However, this particular family had such trauma during travel and almost lost their daughter (to death) that I was compelled to follow their journey and pray alongside other adoptive families that this little girl survive and be released to her new family so that she could come to the states to receive treatment. So...on with the story.

I visited this family blog tonight and found a very good posting where the mom called out Christians who cry "pro-life" but who do not support orphans. A few years ago I was told story about a friend of a friend who was chastised in Kroger parking lot because she had a "pro-choice" sticker on her car. Her response to the man? "How many children have you adopted?" "What?"

So, what's the point? The point is, give a home to a child in need. Give it food, clothing, shelter and most of all, give it love. Pro-Choice or Pro-Life, it does not matter.

A final thought, war is not pro-life. Adoption...now that's pro-life. Hmmm...I guess I'm pro-life after all.

Still Waiting

Hi All. Many of you are asking what's going on with the adoption. Well, we are still waiting.

Here's the lowdown. China is continuing to slow down its adoptions. The US has implemented the Hague Treaty regarding IA and our agency was one of a handful that was denied the accreditation. I won't go into the why's and wherefore's of that one here.

How does that affect us? They no longer have access to Special Needs files, which is where we were hoping to find Arwen.

Now they have reapplied and are waiting to find out if the steps they took to correct the problems were enough to get the accreditation. We pray they were. Hopefully, once approved, they will begin receiving the Special Needs files again. Our agency has a high rate of placing SN kids and is one of the older ones out there working with that program.

Please keep all adoptive families in your thoughts as the landscape of international adoption is changing as rapidly as the global economic situation. Please keep all of the children in your thoughts that are living in horrific conditions and waiting for families. Most of all, keep all of the children who will never be adopted in your prayers because they are the ones who suffer the most.

Number of orphans worldwide: 143 Million
Numberof orphans due to HIV/AIDS: Nearly 18 Million
Number of orphans adopted internationally each year: 40,000

Does something look wrong with this to you?

Adoption Help/Petition

First, thanks to all of you who went and signed this petition. Yesterday the USCIS announced its decision on the state of adoptive parents who were to be grandfathered in to the new immigration rules surrounding foreign adoption. They have decided to move forward with the grandfather clause. Now, those of us who filed our petition to adopt with the CIS prior to April of 2008, can continue down the same path and stick with our I-600/I-171 instead of falling under the new guidelines. This will be in effect until the year 2014. After that we are on our own. But, that gives us all some breathing room. I pray we are not waiting that long for our girl! Thanks again and thanks to the Universe for helping us out.

Peace out.

Dana

Please Help - Adoption Petition

Dear Friends,

As you know, Nathan and I are waiting for a referral of a little girl from China. Though we began this journey over two years ago, we have officially been waiting for 20 months. Now, our adoption is in jepoardy, thanks in large part to the USCIS misinterpretation on the legislation passed in regards to the International Adoption portion of the Hague Treaty. Below is an excerpt from a petition I am asking you to sign which gives further explanation. In addition, I have included links to the petition site and the website for the Joint Council on International Adoptive Services - the thinktank/policy setter for International Adoption. This is a personal plea to help us continue on our adoptin journey to bring home a sister for Noah - whose patience for a little sister is beginning to wear thin!

I assure you this is quite serious. Every International Adoption agency in this country is encouraging their clients to get on board and sign this petition and call thier legislators. The past year has seen many changes in International Adoption. Ultimately these things are happening to protect the children, however, it is endangering families like ours who are very qualified to adopt, have jumped through the many hurtles required and have been patiently waiting for a referral. As it stands right now, if we received a referral tomorrow, we have all of our documents in order, could accept the referral and leave in 8 weeks to get our child. With the new rules, if we receive our referral tomorrow, we would have to wait months and months for our new paperwork to be processed. At best, our child would continue to languish in an orphanage while our paperwork is processed by the USCIS. At worst, we would lose our referral entirely. Please help us move this forward so that we can continue to be "paper ready" when our referral comes.

Adoption For All Petition

JCICS

"Recently, the rules and regulations in the United States of America regarding international adoption have changed. Congress passed The Hague into law. When this was done, Congress explicitly stated that families who are in the process of adopting a child internationally and who have been in process prior to April 1, 2008, are considered "transition cases." As such, these families are, by law, grandfathered into the adoption rules and regulations that existed PRIOR TO April 1, 2008 until their adoptions are completed, and these families DO NOT have to re-file under the new Hague guidelines. However, the Department of State and the US Department of Homeland Security's CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services, aka USCIS) bureau are blatantly ignoring this law and forcing all transitional families to abide by the new regulations. This not only contravenes the law as written, but also creates undue hardship for the thousands of US families affected, and will likely cause the disruption of the adoption.

Thousands of US families have been waiting in excess of 2 to 3 years for their adoptions from China and other countries to be completed. Now these families are being forced by the National Benefits Council (NBC) and USCIS to re-file under Hague, when clearly Congress wanted them to be grandfathered under the I600A rules they were subject to when they began their adoption process. Under the new rules these families will have to pay additional dollars, in some cases running into the thousands in fees to US adoption and homestudy agencies. Having already spent in excess of $10,000, many cannot afford these additional fees. In the next 2 to 3 years >10,000 US families will need to go through the I600A renewal process, which is a quick process, with approval time running from about 6 weeks to 2 months....


The US Congress passed the new rules for USA adopters into law; however, in their wisdom, they had the foresight to see that the adoption process (particularly in China) has been moving extremely slowly, and so the US Congress particularly provided in the law that "transition cases" (those in the adoption process prior to April 1, 2008) can continue their adoption under the rules that were in effect at the time they began the process and UNTIL THEIR ADOPTION IS CONCLUDED."

Please help us with this pending crisi by signing the petition and forwarding this to anyone who might help.

With many thanks,

Nathan and Dana

A Great Article on Trans Racial Adoption

I have written on transracial adoption before on this blog. I guess my ideas on it are not always the most popular (if you ask a trans racial adoptee or even some social workers) proven by the mere fact that we are adopting transracially. I have read through every blog, book and article imaginable featuring stances on the positive side and negative side of adoption. This is perhaps one of the most balanced views of a TRA I have ever seen. And, guess what? It was written by an 8th grader and then posted on her sibling's transracial adoption blog. Check it out:

http://kadnexus.wordpress.com/2007/06/04/my-sisters-adoption-essay/

Bookshelf

This is what I should have on our family bookshelves.

Adoption Update

Hi All. Well, the CCAA just processed this month's referrals in a record 22 days. They have not processed this quickly in a while. Now, it is only for 4 days of referrals but could it mean a speed up is on the way? We hope so.

Please keep us in your thoughts as we hope for a speedy referral.

And, pray for us because if we do not receive a SN older referral we will be getting an infant! It is enough to make me laugh that Nathan and I will be getting an infant when I am 37 and he is 35.

Dana

Vietnamese Orphans

I think I would feel better about the length of time that governments take to facilitate adoptions if it were not for the fact that thousands and thousands of children were not waiting for families:

http://tinquehuong.wordpress.com/2007/12/05/vietnams-abandoned-children/

China by Tori Amos

"China"

All the way to New York
I can feel the distance getting close
You're right next to me
But I need an airplane
I can feel the distance as you breathe
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future
Together you just look away in the distance

China decorates our table
Funny how the cracks don't seem to show
Pour the wine dear
You say we'll take a holiday
But we never can agree on where to go

Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future
Together you just look away in the distance

China all the way to New York
Maybe you got lost in Mexico
You're right next to me
I think that you can hear me
Funny how the distance
Learns to grow

Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes I saw the future
Together you just look away in the distance

I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance getting close

In Review

Good morning all. Well, I can report that I have been up since 4AM. One of our hundreds of cats (just kidding, one of our four cats) woke us up at 4AM crying. This went on for 15 or 20 minutes until I put her in the garage. Upon returning to bed I heard Noah fussing in the next room. I went to check on him and found a child with a very high fever, headache and upset stomach. Oh no. Other than the obvious, which is I feel so sad when he is sick, I have a noon hair appointment, we have an afternoon playdate with our friends who just returned with their new sons (see next post) and we have dinner plans with the Matuseks at Fulin's. So, I was looking for a bright point for my day and was reminded that we are in The Review Room!

What is The Review Room? The review room is the office within the CCAA where our dossier is gone over with a fine tooth comb to be determined if we are qualified to proceed to the next stage of the the adoption process. If we are okayed our file will be moved on to another office where someday it will be matched with an orphan child waiting for a forever family. Or, hopefully, in our case, it will be moved on to be matched soon with a special need or waiting child. This is good news. If we are matched by our agency with a WC, then it is good that we are out of review so we can have our file quickly moved through the rest of the process.

I am very excited about this! This is a good thing. Now, let's cross our fingers and make a wish that our dossier is moved through without any problems. Happy Friday to you.

A Hard Decision

I want to start this post by saying that yes, this is sort of about me, about us and about her. We are all a party here. Also, in case you are wondering why I am putting this here, it is a sort of therapy. I have journaled for years and my blog has sort of become that space for me. Also, when we were walking the road toward IA but had not signed on the dotted line, I spent HOURS, I mean HOURS looking at blogs and website of folks who had adopted. I wanted to know if it is just a journey on the Love Train or is the Heartbreak Hotel on our itinerary. I guess you can figure out the answer to that.

So....here's more on the "little star" that has crossed our paths:

Thursday was a rush of internet research, discussions with Nathan, discussions with CHI, and discussions with one of the pediatric doctors and Vanderbilt's International Adoption Clinic. All I can say is to those who say this is a gimmick or VUMC's opportunity at a sure fire money maker - you're probably right - but thank God for those folks. Seriously.

By the end of the day on Thursday, well, around 3:00, Nathan and I had decided that due to a couple of questions that were lingering around this little one's diagnosis and our certainty that we were not equipped to deal with one of the medical possibilities that she may be facing long term, we decided to turn down this referral. I actually think this is the first time that Nathan was as upset as me in regards to this adoption. This is a good thing. So, I called CHI and spoke with Tina and she gave me the chance to ask more questions. I did not think this was possible due to the time restrictions we now have on reviewing these Waiting Children files.

She said, "we can try." And, she did. And, she and the Beijing office came through. They are really dedicated to placing these Special Needs or Waiting Children. It is really amazing. So, on Friday morning, we called the IA clinic and after lunch spoke with the doctor. The prognosis is good. We can't be certain. Here is why it sounds good, here is why we can't be sure. Here are the possibilities. While on the phone with her, I checked my email looking for responses from families who had adopted children with this SN. After our conference call I called one of the families and had a great conversation with her regarding her children and the joys and challenges that are in their lives.

But, when it was all said and done, there was one aspect of medical care that we just did not think we could overcome. I think on Friday morning I was sort of ashamed of this. Here Great Spirit is handing us a beautiful, bright child on a platter and there is this one thing that we can't get past. No, it isn't cosmetic, that we can deal with. This is medical and could pose serious issues in the future depending on the severity. Are we the family that can deal with possible medical intervention in the home? We had to be painfully realistic and search our hearts. No. This little star would be better in a home with another family. And, trust me, another family will adopt her in a heart beat.

When we began this journey, we thought it would be so simple. Well....I don't know if that's true. I know nothing in my life has ever been simple or sure so I probably didn't think that about adoption. I am thankful that we have allowed our path to widen to include a Waiting Child. I know we are forever changed through this process.

Today, I have all of these children in my hearts and on my mind. Our agency is sitting on around 75 kids that are part of a shared list of children. These kids range from infant to 14 or so and are just waiting for a family. Many are older and pray that a family will come for them. They long for a home and a Mother and Father. There are those who are against adoption and really against international adoption. Those folks haven't seen the children. I feel certain that the children with special needs and the older children are there only for political or socio-economic reasons. They were not stolen or sold. There are just too many.

So, we wait. There will be more files and more children. To be honest, I knew. I knew when I first looked at her - before reading anything medical or knowing really the possibilities -- just from her picture that she wasn't ours. Wasn't mine. There are families who say that adoption isn't always love at first site. But there are more that knew from the first moment of seeing their children's faces. And, these are often families who have chosen a child from the WC program. There have been other kids that we have seen photos of and said - she could be part of us. I know that another family will look at this little one and say -yep, she's ours.

So....we are keeping on keeping on. Hope you do too.

Namaste.

We Got the Call

On Thursday "we got the call." In International Adoption, this phrase is a big deal. Well....it's a big deal to us. I had just rolled out of bed and was coughing horribly as I am getting over a sinus infection. The landline was ringing and I couldn't make it there. Whoever it was hung up, so I thought it was my sister as this is her MO. Then, my cell began ringing. Okay, okay.

"Hi Dana it's Tina Qualls with CHI." Holy Cow. It's not even 8:00AM. I hand Nathan the phone due to a coughing fit. "Talk," I manage to get out.

They have a child that they have matched with our SN list and would like for us to review her file. Nathan and I are speechless and standing in the kitchen with huge smiles on our faces. I will not and cannot go into details but she is recovering from surgery to repair a fairly serious birth defect. She is beautiful and bright and the orphanage was literally gushing over her. So, yes, we will review her file.....

All I can say after all of that, is "Thank you God for giving us this opportunity."

Peace

New Special Needs Process

Well, as you know over the last 16 months Nathan and I have applied to review the files of several special needs children from our agency's waiting children list. We have yet been chosen to review those files. By chosen I mean chosen by the Universe or our agency. When we originally submitted our dossier to China we said there was absolutely no way we could accept a SN referral. We just aren't equipped for that, right? Almost immediately, however, we began looking at the lists and thought, "okay, we can do this." So, we have poured over the lists and found children that we simply fell in love with through the screen of our computers. The process has changed several times, quite drastically, in fact. It went from first to request first to review to having all of the requests thrown into a hat and one drawn out randomly to the newest format.

This new method is basically a lengthy request of the types of SN we would accept and we have been put in order by our Log In Date and as the children's files become available, we will be matched with a child. We will have the opportunity to turn down a referral but that puts us at the bottom of that list. For example, we requested as one of our SN a child who was near or far sighted. If they match us with that special need and we turn it down, then we get put at the bottom of the near sighted list. We lose our place.

To be honest, this is probably the most fair way to approach these lists though it is more difficult imagining being referred a SN child. I think that is what made it safe for us before. Being able to identify a child and choosing the child. Now, it is more like waiting for a child to be born and just praying for the best. So, that is what we are doing.

Actually, I have been quietly excited over this entire thing. There are only 30 families who have asked to be part of this new process. That is so interesting to me as there were close to 200 who were applying for these kids before. In theory, we probably have only 15 or 20 families ahead of us. We might actually be referred a child this year. The downside of all of this is this is from a Multiple Agency list. So.....in theory there are 3 or 4 agencies attempting to place these children with their families. Though there may only be 15 or 30 families ahead of us in our agency, there are that many at the others as well wanting to adopt these kids.

With all of that said, I am ready to start working on our little ones room. We've put that off now for 2 years (can you believe we started this 2 years ago?) but now I'm ready. I'll post when I pick the bedding for the room and a theme if I have one. Noah's room is a pirate room and is so cute and not over the top. I hope Arwen's room turns out as well.

Keep us in your thoughts as we continue to wait for the greatest gift of the Universe.

Checking In

Friday, May 16, 2008

Checking In (May 6, 2008)

Hi All,

Well, I have not posted in a while. I'm just checking in really for those of you reading my blog. I was asked today in an online adoption forum how I'm doing with the wait. To be honest, it's becoming very tiring. I think I was fine until we reached the 1 year anniversary of our Log In Date to the CCAA which was 2-12-08 (the anniversary).

After requesting countless Waiting Children files and not getting the chance to review them, I've been getting a little sadder each month about the wait.

The upside to the wait....fewer children are being abandoned in China, Chinese domestic adoption has increased substantially in the last year or so, and more Special Needs/WC are being adopted by American families.

The downside....the wait. We know there are still thousands of children awaiting families in China (and elsewhere) but due to government rules being tightened by all parties, the wait to adopt orphans has grown all around the world. If only the overall need would decrease. Then, that would truly be a reason to celebrate the wait.

For us, we are trying to patiently await the gift of a little girl. At this point, we are hoping from an infant up to around age 4. I think Noah thinks it will never happen. I am hoping to start on decorating the nursery over the summer. I'm planning right now for a big girl. We'll set up for an child that no longer needs a crib. That can be added later. Of course, we'll sleep with her so it won't matter!

So...that's where we are right now. Just waiting. Thanks for asking. Hope your day and your life is going well.

Dana

Adoption Blog Posts from January 2008 through April 2008

Update (April 15, 2008)

Hi All,

Well, you can see from my last post that I have become a little frustrated with the wait for a new addition to our family. The though of a little girl seemed very real and nearly 2 years ago when we began this process but now seems more out of reach.

I want to let those of you know that are reading my blog that I did speak with my China coordinator from CHI and had a great conversation with her. I want to be clear that I realize that from where the agencies sit and really from where the parents sit, there is not a best way or most fair way to handle things like the WC program. Each agency has its own policies and some seem even less fair than they one we have.

I can tell you that due to new CCAA regulations requiring families to submit dossiers for waiting children within a specific time period and due to CHI's current Hague accredidation status, that it seems that non CIS approved families will not be allowed to apply for WC and families who cannot complete the dossier within the specified time period will not be able to apply. So...this takes care of much of the problem....for now.

For me, I am personally working on being more upbeat and positive and as the house is taking shape and moving more in the direction that I would like for it to go, perhaps we will begin working on a nursery soon and be prepared when our referral comes. Until then, please keep us - especially Noah who is waiting for a sister - in your thoughts during this long wait.

Blessings.

Dana

Venting! (March 29, 2008)

I am so frustrated right now. In fact, it is beyond words, but I'll try. Our agency has made what it feels is the best decision on how to handle its waiting children files and I support them in their decision - for the most part. They have responded to their clients wishes and over the last year have amended the WC process to be what they deem to be the most fair. I have supported this knowing how hard it is to please everyone.

But! I just visited the blog of one of the families traveling right now to pick up their daughter. I immediately recognized the little girl as one we applied for last Spring....A YEAR AGO. I was curious as to why it took them so long to get their LOA and TA (the paperwork giving them an official referral and travel approval). The family was picked to review the file and accepted the little girl last April and could not get it together to submit their dossier until October! It took them 6 months to put together their paperwork and all they can say is they are procrastinators. How many of us were logged in and ready to go then?

Unbelievable is all I can say. So, this little girl has lived an additional year with a foster family that she has been bonding with and will now be ripped away from to go live with her "forever family."

I'm very frustrated right now and will be calling our agency on Monday to discuss this with them. I never had a problem with them allowing non logged in families to apply for these kids...until now. I just naturally assumed that a non LID family would really hustle to get an LID so they could be united with the child that they have been waiting for.

I'm just so frustrated by this. The thing is, for the most part I have understood that adoption sucks. Really. It is frustrating and their are long waits and the children end up being the ones to suffer the most in so many ways both before and after the adoption. But, really. This is just too much.

All I can do now is hope and pray for this little one and hope that this situation does not continue to happen.

Please keep all of the orphans in the world in mind in your hopes and prayers. They deserve so much more.

Peace.

Dana

Update (March 26, 2008)

Not much going on. We are wrapping up our CIS update. It is taking me forever. I have decided that I am decidedly unorganized now when it comes to paperwork since staying home with Noah. It is funny. I could not stand to have a paper out of place when I had my own office. I was incredibly together. Now that I am at home....calendar's, clocks, papers, they mean nothing to me. I have got to get it together!

So, all I have left is to pick up the green form today, get it to our SW tomorrow, pick up the homestudy, and overnight it to CIS with a request for a free one time extension. Then, we are still in the game.

As far as kids go, we are still light years away from a traditional referral, we are continuing to watch our agency's special needs list and still considering Ethiopia. Please keep us in our thoughts as we await the gift of a new child into our home.

Peace Out.

Dana

Update (March 6, 2008)

Hi all. Not much going on. We have applied to review the files of two more waiting children. I am holding out hope but the files are locked by a family from another agency. One cutie is a 3 year old red head - yes, I said red head - and the other is a little dark haired 2 year old. They are really quite cute and funny. Not your typical children from a Chinese SWI. Nathan said he didn't know if he could do the red head as he says she would have to be chained to us from 14 on as all of the boys would be chasing her. The other is possibly the pudgiest child from an orphanage I've ever seen.

Well, we'll let you know if we get to see the files.

For now, we are getting our immigrations stuff updated and getting ready to have our fingerprints redone. Apparently Homeland Security thinks they might have changed in the last 18 months. Of course, we know who is at the helm, so that is not surprising.

We are trying to get it all done quickly as the US is signing the Hague Treaty on International Adoption standards and makes things much more complicated for us do-gooders and would be parents.

One of my main reasons for halting the Ethiopian process was not being ready to put together another dossier, but we are essentially doing that, so if we want to jump back into Ethiopia, we'll be ready.

Please keep us in your thoughts as this wait continues. I am hopeful, though that we will see a new addition to our family by the end of this year.

Keep on keeping on....

Dana

Change of Plan (January 23, 2008)

Well, I won't say much for now, but mainly due to the fact that my heart breaks when thinking of the leaving the China program and not being able to come to a decision on doing concurrent adoptions or going just for Ethiopia, we are staying solely in the China program for now.

This decision has not been made lightly and we (me) have done lots of soul searching over the past few weeks. My heart breaks for the Ethiopian children and my heart tells me that I will be there some day looking a our child. But, for now, we have to stick to our original path and finish what we started in China.

Thank you all for staying on this emotional roller coaster with us.

Peace Out.

Dana

Adoption Blog Posts from November 2007 through December 2007

More Thoughts On Diversity (December 29, 2007)

Well, I have probably posted something to this effect before, but I am constantly evaluating our life to see what types of diversity we have. I came across some info on trans racial adoption and it suggested you look at your neighborhood to get an idea of the diversity you have in your life. Next door we have a dad of Mexican heritage. Two doors down we have an African American family with two young sons. Down the street, the house that actually faces mine, is a an older AA couple that we see quite frequently and so on and so forth. All of these families participate in block parties, 4th of July celebrations, etc. with us.

We also homeschool. We attend several different homeschool activities each week and I would daresay that at least 1/3 of the families at the activities are AA, there are usually one or two families of Latin heritage and often one or two families with children adopted from China.

I think church is really the only place where we see few families of a different racial heritage than ours. However, we have a partnership with an AA Baptist church and celebrate several holidays with them. These are usually older folks. I have the feeling that the congregation does not currently have many young families, but that can always change.

Also, on our bookshelves, it has been amazing what I have found lately. Nathan's cousin was an elementary art teacher in Arlington, VA and gifted us with all of her classroom books when she switched to high school. There must be twenty books specifically from an AA viewpoint or by an AA author featuring AA children.

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm beginning to stop stressing about this whole thing and now can focus on finishing our dossier, getting us moved and getting a nursery set up. Wish me luck.

Dana

Drum Circles (December 20, 2007)

I've been attending drum circles for about 8 years. I used to go to them much more regularly. In fact, I used to book a drumming group - the Love Drums - for the bookstore I worked for. Unfortunately, I have not attended as regularly as I would like since having Noah. And, though Noah loves drumming and was attending circles in utero and as an infant, the circles are really too loud for him so he goes but can only tolerate so much.

I realized a few months ago that I needed some time to be an adult again for a little while anyway before the baby comes and contacted the Love Drums leader, Ed, to sign up for his beginning drum class. I've got the dancing down and love African dancing, but the drumming...ah...I could use some help. So, I am now signed up for classes beginning January 7th and I'm so excited!

Tonight I was standing here cooking and was, as usual, over analyzing my life and was wondering about some of the things in our life that people will assume we are doing as parents adopting an African child....like drumming - with djembes. We also have a most amazing print in our home by Bernard Stanley Hoyes called "In the Spirit." He is one of my favorite artists and the print is beautiful. We have also had it for nearly 10 years. What else? My love of wearing my hair in braids, which I did when it was longer and as I have promised Nathan to grow it back out, here come the braids! Hmm...I'm sure there is more and will be more as I delve deeper into Ethiopian culture.

One of my friends is from Kenya and moved back to Nairobi a few years back. I have asked her if it is appropriate for me to wear a kaftan and somewhat traditional Ethiopian clothing. She assures me yes, as she has always done so. So, get ready ya'll, cause I've been wanting to wear a kaftan for a while. They look very comfy!

Oh yes, then there is carrying the baby in a sling. I carried Noah in one until he was three and then I still put him in on my back occasionally. Though a more Western style baby carrier may be easier on the back, I always liked the way a sling made me feel. It made me feel closer to the Earth. Maybe it was that skin to skin feeling I often had when he was in the sling, I don't know. Maybe it was the rich colors of my sling. Who knows when dealing with intangibles such as these.

So, what's the point? The point is that this is how we live. Pretty normal, typical middle class folks with a pull toward things much more exotic and ethnic. As we are walking this path toward adoption I am in constant evaluation of our life and how what we do will affect a child not of our race, whether Chinese or African. I probably need to give it a rest at this point and step away from it for a while. Nathan, who is much more enlightened than I am says to give it a rest. He's probably right.

In the meantime, my dear friend Tyra has invited me to her husband's church where he is an associate pastor. It is a black church and since I have a love of gospel music and she assures me that their music is most amazing, I guess I'll be heading that way. We are raising the kids Unitarian Universalist, but as the church has a VERY early service on Sunday (7:30AM), that would give us time to go once or twice a month before our own service...which is the very late 10:50. I am actually really looking forward to this. I've been wanting to attend services at an AA church for quite some time but have been too lazy to put the effort in to finding a church I like. I love Tyra and Noah loves her boys, so this may be the one.

Oh well....I have to sign up now, I have to peel potatoes and obsess some more.

Peace Out.

Dana

Where Are We Now? (December 15, 2007)

Well, basically, I have to wrap up dossier number 2, the Ethiopia one, including new medicals, a Citizenship approval to switch from China to Ethiopia and new referral letters from friends and family members. Hopefully, it should take no more than say, 6 weeks for the CIS (I'll send it off the first week of January) and the other papers should be finished during that time. Our Social Worker will be doing an updated homestudy and then probably again once we move. Fingers crossed, my estimates tell me that we might receive a referral.....in April. That's me being optimistic. I just hope it is before the courts close for the rainy season...or well before the rainy season in general. That just doesn't sound fun to me.

I know many of you may think we are crazy. To be honest, I keep wondering that myself. Then, I will read something or hear a song that tells me that life goes by so quickly and we cannot sit around wondering about our decisions, wondering what to do next. I am 35 and have decided that life is not going to pass me by...and by proxy....it also will not pass Nathan and Noah by.

So....Ethiopia here we come. Thank the Goddess for you all who are patiently waiting with us and supporting us through this. It means more than you know.

Also, here is a link to a speech by Melissa Faye Greene the author of There Is No Me Without You.

Check it out!

National Adoption Week (November 10, 2007)

Did You Know? National Adoption Month began as “Adoption Week” in the state of Massachusetts in 1976, organized by then governor, Michael Dukakis. Later, President Gerald Ford declared that “Adoption Week” should be celebrated nationally. As the years went by, more and more states participated in celebrating “Adoption Week,” and with more activities than one week could hold, in 1990 it became National Adoption Month. So....celebrate adoption all month, but specifically the Saturday before Thanksgiving each year! Peace.

Bittersweet Ending (November 10, 2007)

Well, I found out yesterday that the beautiful little one we applied now has a home. And, it is not ours. To her and her new family - congratulations. I hope you find all of the joy and happiness that the Universe can give you. It is for me, however, a bittersweet ending. For three weeks I have looked upon her face on my computer, knowing the chance would be slim that she would be ours, but looking at her all the same.

We had decided that as soon as we found out we would pull our China dossier and proceed with Ethiopia. In fact, our ET dossier is over halfway complete. Now, the CCAA has thrown a cog in our wheel and our agency is more than likely at this moment finalizing the new policy on allowing concurrent adoptions.

How does this affect us? Since CHI has not in the past allowed concurrents, we would be completely pulling out of China. Now, with concurrents possible, it seems we may be keeping our dossier active and proceeding with ET. For Nathan and I it means much soul searching over the next few days.

At this point I hope to keep our dossier in China until after we finalize our Ethiopian adoption. It is hard to know in a year how we will feel. Will this little one be all we need to complete our family or will we decide to grow our family again?

Only time will tell.

Ethiopia...here we come!

Adoption Blog Posts from May 2007 though October 2007

Waiting Children Update (October 26, 2007)

Well, we are still waiting to hear if we will have the opportunity to review the little one's file. Still waiting...still waiting....still waiting....

Some people, however, are not waiting. Out of the 35 waiting children whose files were sent to CHI this month, 25 are being reviewed and 10 have been officially placed.

This has been one of those areas where I have been absolutely floored by the generosity and love that is in the world. The children from this list have disabilities that range from webbed fingers to paralysis.

Of course, not all of the children were special needs. Some are merely "waiting." There are five perfectly healthy little boys, all Noah's age and a couple of older children. They have been snapped up. I am also intrigued by the older kids. They seem to have such hope and spirit. I know they will make wonderful additions to any home.

So, congrats to the families who have found their forever children and good luck to those reviewing files. For those waiting patiently for a chance to review a file....Peace to you....and to us as well.

It's Come to This (October 20, 2007)

Well, this weekend is quite unusual. Nathan and I childless. Noah is at his Mimi and Pop's - in other words - Heaven. I have a Taste of Home Entertaining vendor spot at a AHA fair later and Nathan will be spending the day at a hacker convention. Though I have tons of things to do, I am currently engaged in my obsession....all things adoption.

Last week, we reviewed our agency's newest Waiting Children list. Over 30 children's files were sent this time. They are all very special. Some we thought would be great for our family if they had been a little younger. Several were within months of Noah's age. We are not really into the idea of having a child Noah's exact age. We want him to have the opportunity to be a big brother, which he really is wanting.

We chose one beautiful little girl to apply for. I have thought about her nearly every waking moment since we submitted the ap on Thursday. I am sure that a hundred families are applying for this one. She is about 20 months old and has the most enchanting eyes I have ever seen. She looks like a spitfire and I am sure she would give Noah a run for his money.

This weekend is interesting, as I said before. I have lots of time to imagine our lives with this child in it and to be honest, it looks pretty good. Only time will tell. We will know on Monday afternoon if we have the opportunity to review her file. We will give it until the word "placed" is under her picture. If she is placed with a family other than ours, we will pull our China dossier and switch to Ethiopia.

I wanted to call last week and switch. I almost did not even want to submit for this baby. Not because I do not want her, but because I was not sure I could take the waiting. Of course, I can. I am a big girl and can wait one more week.

For now...I will go and occupy my time (but probably not my mind - wait, this is a great opportunity to practice mindfulness) with cleaning house and preparing for the fair. I'll post again on Monday and let the world know if we got her. If so....she will be a little over 2 before we can travel to pick her up.

Oh! We let Noah see her pic. He first said he didn't think so. I asked why. Because, she will have to go to the doctor and that will make her cry. After a minute he asked if she has a family. No. Okay then, he said..."I guess it will be alright." What a trooper his is.

He is really concerned that all of the kids from the orphanages find homes. I guess we've done something right.

On a lighter note, two friends had babies this week. Congrats Siccardi's on the birth of baby number 4. And, though I have not heard from them, I am going to send a big congrats to the Wrights. I am sure that baby boy Wright is here safe and sound.

May the peace of the Universe be upon you all on this blessed Fall day.

Dana

Baby Bedding (October 10, 2007)

The past few weeks I have made myself nearly sick looking at baby bedding. Okay, not nearly, really. I finally picked one, which I posted a pic of. I truly loved it and it had no pink in it and it was reasonably priced. Great. Okay.....here's the thing....Nathan pointed out that if we switch to Ethiopia that people will think I did a safari themed room for our little African baby. Hmmm....not so great.

Back to the drawing board. The bedding I really loved is $700 and is custom made only. Actually, I love several things from this designer but the Asian themed bedding is most fab (okay, so if we have a Chinese baby everyone will think I wanted an Asian themed room for her). Not so, I say. I have used Asian themes in our home for years. We are very connected to the Buddha and I am a certified Feng Shui consultant. So There!

Here is a link to the bedding I love:

Post Tots

It is to die for!. So, I called a friend of mine, who coincidentally is going through the adoption process as well (US foster care) and she is a fabulous seamstress/embroiderer and she and I are going to similar bedding together. Hooray! Unless, of course, I can make enough money over the next few months to purchase it, which would take lots of stress off me.

So, if you want to contribute to the Arwen Croy bedding fund via hosting a Taste of Home Entertaining Party, give me a call.....my calendar is wide open!

Peace Out.

Dana

Riots in China Over One Child Law (September 15, 2007)

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8RL8LK00&show_article=1

Honestly folks, we should all be really praying for peace. Peace in the Middle East, Peace in South America, Peace in Asia, Peace in Africa and Peace in North America. Yes, Peace in the United States.

We do not live in a peaceful nation and our example is spreading throughout the world.

Pray for Peace, today for the world and for yourself.

Peace.

Dana

Dear God (July 27, 2007)

Dear God,

This letter is hard to write as it implies that I have little to no control over my life at the moment. Not that I ever had(ve) control, but admitting it is very big.

As you aware, last year Nathan and I decided that we would adopt from China. I know that our decision was made with caution and forethought and that it is what we are supposed to do as part of your Divine Plan for our family. However, you never told us that adopting from China was going to entail a change from a 9 month pregnancy to ..... uhm ..... well, you never told us.

So, after submitting our dossier, despite having confirmation after confirmation that we are supposed to stay on this path, we have (okay, mainly me) continued to discuss going to Ethiopia for a baby instead of China. I have had dreams that have confirmed our China adoption, I have had physical experiences, I have had inner knowing....yet still I have waffled. Why?

I don't know.

Today, though, I pray to you sincerely to give me the strength to continue along this path and to be strong for my family as we wait for the daughter that you have confirmed is there for us.

I am done, finished, kaput. I am no longer second guessing this decision. I am no longer waffling. I am know longer considering that switch. I am giving to you to decide my fate, my family fate.

I have done manifestation work, Feng Shui, prayer.... all I can do. And now - I merely wait.

O Blessed Be great Father, O Blessed Me Mother of Creation, I give thanks and ask for continued patience as I trust in the wisdom of that which is greater than myself.

In Reverence.

Me

Posted by Dana at 9:51 AM

Adoption Blog Posts from April 2007

New Name and the Wait (April 30, 2007)

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog today. It was "The Long Road to China." Now, "The Long Road." The road is long and seems to be getting longer. Though, it could shorten if we choose to switch countries. So, that's why the name change. We are still holding on to China, but it is possible that our child will be from a different country....maybe even a different continent.

Current predictions put our adoption sometime in late 2009. We are looking at around 2.5 years prior to referral of our little girl.

Why? Each day people ask my response is....would you like the short or long answer....all half-truths and speculations from my perspective.

Why.....Okay, here I go:

It is apparent that many families adopt for many reasons. It is not my place to sit in judgement of those reasons, however, there are many things floating around out there in web land that suggests that a SMALL minority of people are adopting due to its "trendiness." In other words, there are small groups of people out there who are promoting adoption from the pulpit and their followers are adopting in order to "save" a child or to appear to be a benevolent benefactor of a poor orphan who needs a home. Though I know those people are out there, they are NOT the majority. Nor have I really met any of those people, though Nathan did feel that a couple of people he met had that attitude at a meet and greet at our agency.

Along those same lines, it is being thrown around in the news media that it is "trendy" and many American families are following in the footsteps of Angelina Jolie and Madonna. OK. That's a load of crap, just so you know. If anyone were to adopt based upon that reason, my hope is that their social worker would realize that their IQ was far too low parent any child, let alone an adopted one.

So, the last couple of years have seen an increase in the numbers of dossiers sent to China for adoption. That, coupled with the knowledge of changes to the IA program (which led to a record number of dossiers being submitted in the Fall) has created a situation where the CCAA is reportedly (this is speculation) sitting on 25 to 30K dossiers. That's right. 25 to 30 THOUSAND families from the US, Europe and Australia are currently waiting to adopt from China's IA program.

The CCAA is overwhelmed (my guess). Can you imagine having that many files stacked in piles all over your office? I can't.

I don't know if you remember, but last year there was an adoption scandal in the Hunan province in which a SWI (orphanage) director was caught embezzling money from the orphanage and possibly trafficking babies to increase her profits (yes, I know, it is horrible. That sort of thing would never happen in the US - get a grip folks - of course it would). The result? Fewer numbers of children are being made paper ready. In other words, SWI's in China are not required to participate in the IA (international adoption) program. So, there are SWI's where the babies are not being allowed to be placed for adoption outside of China. Thus, fewer babies available. (http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-12/22/content_505624.htm)

Further speculation around the number of babies available: Some folks are coming back from China even as I write saying that the SWI that their baby is from is as full as ever. Other's are coming back saying their SWI is nearly empty. The FCC (Families with Children from China) is saying that some SWI's are being converted into nursing facilities (can't remember where I read this, I'll find it and post the link).

Why is this? Why would suddenly after all of this time and China having built all of these SWI's would the population of abandoned children suddenly diminish? Reports indicate that ultrasound machines (illegal in China) have made their way to the provinces and many more women are having abortions once the child's gender is known. Other reports indicate that China is still using abortions forcibly to control its' population (http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1615936,00.html).

Amazingly, (this is off topic BTW) the (okay, I'm having a hard time not using a foul word) Christian Evangelical leader Pat Robertson says its okay that they are forcing abortions to control the population. That's right folks. The man who is a staunch opponent of abortion agrees with it. Here is a link to the CNN interview:
(http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0104/16/wbr.00.html)

Back to the topic at hand. Political pressures (internally as well as internationally) may be playing a role in the slowdown as well. China is currently in the top two countries for IA and maybe does not want to be represented in that way. As China moves forward as a more of a global power coupled with its upcoming Beijing Olympics, it may be that they are intentionally slowing the process down to save face to the world.

Where does that leave my family and what are my thoughts on all of this? Last week, I could barely get out of bed. It's okay and I'm much better now. I think I needed to wallow in it and get down in it last week and get it all out so that I could find my perspective again and clear my head as to how we will proceed.

I believe deep in my soul that there is a child, most likely a girl, waiting for me in China. I also believe that this may be Spirit's way of opening our hearts to other children that we can bring home this year. I am saddened and horrified at the thought of a woman being forced to abort. I also feel for the women who choose abortion based on familial pressure to birth a boy. If the number of babies are declining that ultimately I feel it is good news and means that there are fewer babies lying hour after hour alone in a crib.

We are currently holding out until the end of May to see what happens as the new rules take effect which I believe will allow the program to stabilize once again. Does stabilization mean that it will be less than 2.5 years to get our referral? Probably not. But, it may mean that we have a better idea of what to expect and if we can or should move forward with another adoption.

Until then....peace out.

Ishaya and the Meantime (April 27, 2007)

In the Mean Time. Wow. I do not think I have ever seriously considered that phrase before. In the mean time. I think I understand it now....

I have been a student of meditation for years. I have studied Eastern meditation, Kabbalistic meditation, the use of breathwork and mantras, and a technique called Ascension from the Ishaya monks.

Ascension is based on the principles of Praise, Love, Gratitude and Compassion. It is similar to using mantras but it is not as repetitive as using a mantra. From the Ishayas I learned not only to "ascend" using the technique but to move through limiting emotions. As a general rule, when I am in a heightened state of emotion, such as being angry, I am in that emotion for a short period of time. I allow myself to experience it and then move through it fairly quickly. In a few minutes, hours or maybe even a day.

This time, the stress of the other parts of our life coupled with my mother's most recent hospitalization has made it a little more difficult to move through the emotions. In fact, I may be without emotion, which to me is even worse. So, in the mean time I know I need a little help or a kick in the pants.

A couple of days ago I ordered Rodney Yee's meditiation and breathwork DVD. I also ordered a yoga for stress relief DVD. I am hoping that these two things combined will help me find my center again and allow me to move back into a good state. The current situation has been building since Easter night (the night my mother went to the hospital) and now is at its worst.

I know that these things too will pass and in a week or so I will be myself again. In the meantime I will continue to pray and meditate using the tools I have until my new dvd's come. Then, I will use them as I know they will be very helpful.

In the mean time I will hope that I find the answer to our adoption dilemma that will make all three of us happy and not bring further stress into our lives. I know the answer is there. I just have to clear my mind enough to get there.

I know the mean time will soon be the happy times again. In fact, I am sure that next week while we are in Dino World with Noah, the happy times will be here again.

Dana

What To Do? (April 27, 2007)

As a general rule, I am a pretty upbeat person. However, as seen in the last post, my life is at a crossroads. I have to laugh. Yesterday I checked my astrologer's website and she had it right there....that yesterday the stars where aligned to a crossroads of sorts. The answer to which road to choose? Take an action based on faith without knowing the outcome. Hmmm...Not really an answer, but it's great to know I am keyed into the Universe.

Right now we are watching as the wait time grows. When beginning the process, the wait to a referral of a precious child from China was 7 to 8 months. When we turned in our dossier, the wait time was hovering around 12 months. It quickly stretched to 18-24. Now, we are hearing rumors of 30 months to something like 5 years. Can you imagine? I'll be 40 when our baby comes!

So, what to do in the mean time. If we switch countries we may never be able to apply to China again and we will have lost 3K in the process. We are looking at Ethiopia but there are so many challenges that go along with that. We have also looked at Kazakhstan, but then we are looking at an additional 10K plus approximately 3 weeks of being in country. Then I would have to travel back alone to pick up the baby.

I revisited domestic adoption this week but remembered all of the reasons I was against domestic adoption for our family in the first place. What to do.....Millions of babies in the world, laying in cribs in often miserable conditions and I am unable to bring one home to wear in a sling, to co-sleep with at night, to give bubble baths and laughs and all of the love that he or she can handle.

So, we wait and wonder what to do. Nathan does not know if he can wait 3 years. He says he will be old by then. What to do.

When I know what we are doing, I'll let you know.

Peace.

Dana

Posted by Dana at 9:46 AM