I'm Not a Size 0 - But You Might Be

There are wars being waged every day. They are being waged not only by people in foreign countries whose leaders' names I cannot pronounce or on conservative talk radio against homosexuals or pro-choice cheerleaders. The wars are being raged by others who hope for peace and tolerance and do not even realize they have gone to war and could possibly be behaving the same way as those they criticize for hatred and intolerance. I've known this for some time and I bet you have, too. But, it hit me tonight as I sat with a glass of red wine, scrolling through my Facebook feed looking for a happy PSA to put on my feed tomorrow morning.

I was smacked in the face by two of the most hate-filled 

posts I have yet seen and they were both from friends 

who are sometimes so far to the left that I wonder if they 

can make a right-hand turn.  

Getting to my point, there were two posts, one I will not speak of here, but the second was by a lovely older friend (I mean that - she is usually filled with light and joy) who shared one of those fantastic ecards that float around through social media. I just happened to have saved it so you could look at it with me.

I read the card a couple of times and then, I sort of got mad. Not really mad. Just a little mad. I wasn't mad at my friend, I promise! But, I was mad at a world who sees everyone on one side of a dividing line as cruel and filled with hate when those on the other side of the line behave in much the same way.

You see, I have two sisters. One sister, much like me, has a little extra meat on her bones. The other got some other gene and does not. Or at least, she did not until she developed a serious thyroid problem after the birth of her second child in her late twenties. Though my recollections could be a little skewed, when growing up I can remember she and I shopping together and both being extremely miserable. By age 10 I had full hips and C-cup breasts while she at age 15 was more like my peers, rail thin and flat-chested. I think there were days we would have happily swapped bodies.  I was outgrowing the "pre-teen" section due to my early puberty and she had not even made it into that section.  During that time size "0" was a rare find. 

You may not be able to tell from my graduation photo, but in 1990, while I (in the middle) was size 13, she (on the right) was a happy 22 year old in a size 5.   Oh, did I mention in this photo she was already a mother? My oldest sister (on the left) was also a mother of two and again, like me, never wondered what it was like to full-figured.   After thinking of my sister I began to think of my cousins, many of which also got the "skinny" gene.   Then, there was my friend growing up who probably never reached beyond 5 feet tall, had a natural gap between her thighs and to this day (age the age of 42) has the body of a 12-year old.

If I can think in five minutes of four women I know well that would possibly be hurt by these messages, how many more are there?  So....what's the point to this rant?  I suppose there are really two points, maybe even three, okay four if you count the last one. 

1.  Right or left.  It does not matter.  You are still capable of being INCORRECT, IGNORANT and HURTFUL.  Believe me, I know.  I have sat on the extreme of both sides and though now I find myself mostly in the middle, 

I have been and I am quite sure will 

once again be all three of these things.

2.  It's OKAY to be a size 0, 1, 2 or 3.  Don't let anyone tell you it's not.

3.  While some women are NATURALLY large, let's all be real.  Most of us who are truly overweight are NOT healthy.  I will NEVER be a size 0.  I am HOPEFUL to be back to a size 12 sometime in the near future.  However, my current size is not okay.  Not with me anyway.  Because it is NOT healthy.  Not because a fashion mag says its not okay.  Not because someone in Kroger or on the beach doesn't like how I look.  But, because I cannot be my best me and feel my best when I am unhealthy.  There.  I said it.  You can be mad at me.  We can normalize it or rationalize it ALL. DAY.  LONG.  But, that does not make it okay.

4.  Enough with the body comparisons.  So you aren't a zero.  It's okay if someone else is.  So you are not a Marilyn Monroe 12.  Guess, what.  Still okay of someone else is.  Are you a 6-foot tall 200 pound Amazon?  Guess what.  That's probably okay, too, though I'll say that I have two very close friends who are right at 6-feet tall and I bet neither of them are close to 200 pounds (see item number 3 above).  And, they have both given birth...naturally....4 times.

5.  If no one can dis on fat folks (I am in that category so I can say that) then we shouldn't dis on the skinny folks either.  Remember all of the craziness around Bethenny Frankel and her Twitter post where she was dressed in her four-year old's clothing?  I know women who can do that.   That's just naturally how they are.  Frankel made a bad joke in a time when tolerance is nil and was nailed for it.  But really, she's a tiny woman.   

So, take my suggestion, find your happy place, 

post only pictures of happy kittens on Facebook 

and  go exercise.  Pass it on.