April 16, 2014
It has been a long time coming. Whispers in the back of my mind.
Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks at a meeting in December when I
realized I was swimming upstream with my job…against a current of apathy
and perhaps lack of understanding. And then, he asked. The son, our
twelve year old, asked to be home schooled. Again. He has asked many
times before and I could not bring myself there with him. The idea
began to grow in my mind and by the end of January I had made my
decision. Nathan was on board but the loss of income scared us both.
Not a huge loss.
By the time we make our commute, eat out two times per week, pay for
private school for one kid and afternoon care for both…what is left?
Not much. Once I made the decision, got Nathan fully on board, told our
little Moon and attended a national home school conference, the signs
began to come. I cannot list them all here but I can tell you my ears
perked up and I began to hear the murmurings from so many of my parent
peers.
“I work so the kids can go to school here.” “By the time I pay
daycare costs it’s almost as if I should not work.” “It seems like I am
working to pay someone else to raise my kids.” Is this really where we
are as a society? My mind began to reel. Yes. It is. I wanted to
run away these last few weeks. Throw in the towel. But, I didn’t. I
made a commitment to myself to go to the end. The end of the school
year. The end of our giving season. To meet my goals laid out a year
ago with my job. I hung in there through the biggest charity event of
the year for my organization. And then….on Monday….I said four little
words……
“This is my notice.”
The weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders and I can
finish the year with light joy knowing what awaits me at the end. My
family. My sanity. The joy of making each day count with those I care
most about. It won’t be perfect every day but each day will be perfect
in its own way.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Media Free in Today's World
March 28, 2014
When the Sun was born, the hubby and I were normal folks.
Though deeply emmersed in a spiritual practice, I was a news junky and
when home if we were not listening to jazz, I had CNN going full blast.
There were the occiasional nights when we relaxed on the couch and
watched Monster Trucks or some DIY show, but something was always on.
Not long after we had our bundle of joy, we recognized the need to
protect him from the greater world. As parents, we were already on the
fringe compared to those living around us in our neighborhood (though we
were surrounded with friends who parented in much the same way we did),
so turning off the cable seemed like a normal progression. There was
no Dora, no Blue’s Clues. Sometimes, even with our “fringe” friends, we
felt a little odd or a little bit like we were depriving our son of
something great. Truthfully, we may have disconnected from the cable as
much for our own well-being as for his. We were addicted to the screen
and knew we would all too easily find ways and excuses to sit him in
front of it instead of interacting with him. I am not going to say that
never happened, because, well, it would be a lie.
As he grew and we entered the Waldorf world, it was a breathe of fresh air to find others who limited screen time for themselves and their little ones and that is a path that we have more or less stayed on these last 10 years. Eventually, though we did not turn on the cable, we did succumb to Netflix – a necessary evil with the disappearance of the video store. Now, we are embarking on a new stage in our life as a family. As of April 11, Netflix will also be gone and we will be spending the summer without the fall back screen. Not to say we are totally eliminating it. We can still receive videos and we’ll be using the computer for news. But, the streaming, the round the clock availability that makes it all too easy for someone like me to say “yes, you can watch ______” will be gone.
I know. You will say I am weak. I should be able to tell the kids “no” when they ask. Then why even have it in our home? I broke the news to the Sun, new age 12 and he was devastated. The Moon doesn’t know and it may be quite unpleasant when she finds out. But, I know as we move into the next stage as a family (I know, it’s torture, right?) this is the right decision.
Peace Out.
As he grew and we entered the Waldorf world, it was a breathe of fresh air to find others who limited screen time for themselves and their little ones and that is a path that we have more or less stayed on these last 10 years. Eventually, though we did not turn on the cable, we did succumb to Netflix – a necessary evil with the disappearance of the video store. Now, we are embarking on a new stage in our life as a family. As of April 11, Netflix will also be gone and we will be spending the summer without the fall back screen. Not to say we are totally eliminating it. We can still receive videos and we’ll be using the computer for news. But, the streaming, the round the clock availability that makes it all too easy for someone like me to say “yes, you can watch ______” will be gone.
I know. You will say I am weak. I should be able to tell the kids “no” when they ask. Then why even have it in our home? I broke the news to the Sun, new age 12 and he was devastated. The Moon doesn’t know and it may be quite unpleasant when she finds out. But, I know as we move into the next stage as a family (I know, it’s torture, right?) this is the right decision.
Peace Out.
St. Patty's Day - An Explanation
March 9, 2014I feel I must explain. It’s not that I hate St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t. Really. I may or may not be of Irish heritage (or maybe I am), but truthfully, despite having access to my ancestry, both of my parents have been here since the 1600′s, so I am not sure where Ireland fits into my gene pool.
With that said, I LOVE all things Irish. We frequently have Irish music playing in our home. I am drawn to shamrocks, leprauchans, and Irish stories of mystery and magic.
But, I am many years away from going out for green beer and all of the things that come with SPD. And, as an adult, I looked into the deeper spiritual significance of this highly celebrated day and realized it is not in alignment with my own spiritual journey. It was, however, in seeing from a parent’s point of view and from the point of view as someone who is saddened by the continuous consumerization (that’s a word, right?) of EVERYTHING that I took a stand. It seems I am not alone.
I could rant right here about why I became very frustrated with this very green holiday, but I read a great article in the Huffington post that said it so succinctly. Read on, friends, and leave the green to those with real Irish heritage. When all is said and done, I leave you with what I find so beautiful about Irish traditions in the form of a blessing for you.
It's A Snow Day - Make It Count
January 7, 2014
Two nights ago it snowed. It didn’t snow a lot – one to two inches – but it did snow. We knew before going to bed on Sunday night that every school in town – public and private – would be closed on Monday. Not only did it snow, but prior to the snow, rain set in. And, as the rain set in, the temperatures dropped. When we went to bed we were looking at temps around eight degrees and knew that the wind chill factor on Monday would be around -11. What? On Monday morning we kept all of the curtains closed to keep out the drafts in our 60 plus year old house. The central ran on auxiliary and the space heater downstairs never shut off. Not only was it C-O-L-D, but the Moon (a girl who could give Tigger a run for his money), laid on the couch with a low-grade fever from the time she woke up until around 5PM. So, here we were, Mom and kids, in a dark house for the entire day never once venturing outside to enjoy this gift of a sunny snow day. Sigh.
But, each day is an opportunity to begin anew. The Moon was still out of school today but the Sun reported bright and early for the Spring semester. After school today, when we were all here once again, dinner was cooking on the stove, the Sun’s homework was completed and he said, “I think I’ll go sledding.” As has happened far too frequently in my career as a Mother, I said “okay” and watched him for a few minutes out of the back window. And then, I remembered that my promise to myself in this new year is to be fully engaged with my kids each and every day and with myself and with life and I quickly grabbed my coat and boots, yelled for the Moon to grab hers and we spend the next half hour dragging the sled up and down our little hill until our fingers were too cold to continue gripping the sled.
Make every moment count.
“In seed-time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy.” ~William Blake
Two nights ago it snowed. It didn’t snow a lot – one to two inches – but it did snow. We knew before going to bed on Sunday night that every school in town – public and private – would be closed on Monday. Not only did it snow, but prior to the snow, rain set in. And, as the rain set in, the temperatures dropped. When we went to bed we were looking at temps around eight degrees and knew that the wind chill factor on Monday would be around -11. What? On Monday morning we kept all of the curtains closed to keep out the drafts in our 60 plus year old house. The central ran on auxiliary and the space heater downstairs never shut off. Not only was it C-O-L-D, but the Moon (a girl who could give Tigger a run for his money), laid on the couch with a low-grade fever from the time she woke up until around 5PM. So, here we were, Mom and kids, in a dark house for the entire day never once venturing outside to enjoy this gift of a sunny snow day. Sigh.
But, each day is an opportunity to begin anew. The Moon was still out of school today but the Sun reported bright and early for the Spring semester. After school today, when we were all here once again, dinner was cooking on the stove, the Sun’s homework was completed and he said, “I think I’ll go sledding.” As has happened far too frequently in my career as a Mother, I said “okay” and watched him for a few minutes out of the back window. And then, I remembered that my promise to myself in this new year is to be fully engaged with my kids each and every day and with myself and with life and I quickly grabbed my coat and boots, yelled for the Moon to grab hers and we spend the next half hour dragging the sled up and down our little hill until our fingers were too cold to continue gripping the sled.
Make every moment count.
“In seed-time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy.” ~William Blake
Don't Judge Me
January 1, 2014
Don’t judge me. You know it has to be bad when that’s how
it begins. Don’t judge me. Let me start by saying that I made a
delicious breakfast for both of the children – a three egg omelet and a
bowl of cereal for the growing 12 year old and cereal alone for the
seven year old. I prepared a crock pot full of potato soup that
simmered all day to provide a hot nourishing meal for the family. The
kitchen was cleaned – not once, but twice. Oh! I almost forgot. I
made a tasty snack for the kids during the afternoon. So far, so good.
Right?
The Thursday before Christmas I was lying on the couch contemplating the trek upstairs to the bed and feeling like it was much too far to travel. I thought that it was just the exhaustion of the week and doing too much to prepare for the holidays. By Friday afternoon I knew I was in trouble and headed over to the walk-in clinic that promptly prescribed me with an antibiotic. Here is where the first “don’t judge me” comes in (the dreaded use of anti-biotics).
On Saturday I hosted my entire family for a full holiday meal and the festivities continued from there. Next came Sunday and a four hour round-trip to Chattanooga for our annual trip to the North Pole via the Polar Express; days of hosting my husband’s family; the Sun’s twelfth birthday, the list goes on. Yesterday I made returns and exchanges and began the slow packing away of the holiday decorations after church.
It was last night when my body began the protest. Still fighting an infection, though it is not nearly as bad as it would have been without the antibiotics, I picked up Pei Wei for the family and we spent the evening eating and playing a marathon game of Monopoly. Today I heard the protests even more. Exhausted, trying to kick the last remnants of a cough and cold, I took a stand. I would spend the day at my desk, on the couch or in the bed – or maybe in all three places. I turned the children loose with the remote control and allowed them unlimited viewing – let’s be real as they are exhausted too! This is where the second “don’t judge me” comes in.
Living in a home that until this Christmas only had one laptop, one television and one tablet – I can safely say that we typically have healthy boundaries when it comes to media use. But today, I could no longer fight the good fight and gave in. If anyone had visited us today they would have found mom and the kids vegged out on the couch watching back to back Disney movies and loving every minute of it. So, moms (and dads), take a day, just one day, and rest and rejuvenate in whatever way suits you best. Let the kids have some freedom. Don’t feel the need to entertain them. Make sure they are safe and fed and diapers changed (if you have young ones) and put your feet up. Go ahead. I give you permission. No judgement. (written 12-30-13)
“The mark of a successful man (or woman) is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it.” ~Author Unknown
The Thursday before Christmas I was lying on the couch contemplating the trek upstairs to the bed and feeling like it was much too far to travel. I thought that it was just the exhaustion of the week and doing too much to prepare for the holidays. By Friday afternoon I knew I was in trouble and headed over to the walk-in clinic that promptly prescribed me with an antibiotic. Here is where the first “don’t judge me” comes in (the dreaded use of anti-biotics).
On Saturday I hosted my entire family for a full holiday meal and the festivities continued from there. Next came Sunday and a four hour round-trip to Chattanooga for our annual trip to the North Pole via the Polar Express; days of hosting my husband’s family; the Sun’s twelfth birthday, the list goes on. Yesterday I made returns and exchanges and began the slow packing away of the holiday decorations after church.
It was last night when my body began the protest. Still fighting an infection, though it is not nearly as bad as it would have been without the antibiotics, I picked up Pei Wei for the family and we spent the evening eating and playing a marathon game of Monopoly. Today I heard the protests even more. Exhausted, trying to kick the last remnants of a cough and cold, I took a stand. I would spend the day at my desk, on the couch or in the bed – or maybe in all three places. I turned the children loose with the remote control and allowed them unlimited viewing – let’s be real as they are exhausted too! This is where the second “don’t judge me” comes in.
Living in a home that until this Christmas only had one laptop, one television and one tablet – I can safely say that we typically have healthy boundaries when it comes to media use. But today, I could no longer fight the good fight and gave in. If anyone had visited us today they would have found mom and the kids vegged out on the couch watching back to back Disney movies and loving every minute of it. So, moms (and dads), take a day, just one day, and rest and rejuvenate in whatever way suits you best. Let the kids have some freedom. Don’t feel the need to entertain them. Make sure they are safe and fed and diapers changed (if you have young ones) and put your feet up. Go ahead. I give you permission. No judgement. (written 12-30-13)
“The mark of a successful man (or woman) is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it.” ~Author Unknown
Searching for Peace
November 19, 2013
The day began early today. Having gone to bed last night at 8PM, I found myself awake at 3:30. Unable to go back to sleep, I got up, started beans in the crock-pot for tonight’s dinner and sat down with my coffee to find calmness in these early hours. On my mind is staying in the present, not allowing others to frustrate me and seeing the positive in all I do. I was able to stay there for about an hour. Then, I checked my email and staying positive was out the window. Or, was it?
As a mom, I constantly tell the children the same things that were told to me. “Ignore people when they are mean or rude.” Should I tell my children to ignore folks or is it better to shed light on the issues and face them directly? Do I tell the children to always shine the light? Is illumination best or does it really just make you focus more on the issue?
If you, my sage readers, have an answer, let me know. Until then, I am striving for peace but have a flashlight handy.
The day began early today. Having gone to bed last night at 8PM, I found myself awake at 3:30. Unable to go back to sleep, I got up, started beans in the crock-pot for tonight’s dinner and sat down with my coffee to find calmness in these early hours. On my mind is staying in the present, not allowing others to frustrate me and seeing the positive in all I do. I was able to stay there for about an hour. Then, I checked my email and staying positive was out the window. Or, was it?
As a mom, I constantly tell the children the same things that were told to me. “Ignore people when they are mean or rude.” Should I tell my children to ignore folks or is it better to shed light on the issues and face them directly? Do I tell the children to always shine the light? Is illumination best or does it really just make you focus more on the issue?
If you, my sage readers, have an answer, let me know. Until then, I am striving for peace but have a flashlight handy.
I Wasn't Prepared for This
As a mom I feel I have been prepared for most things that have come my way. Premature baby. Okay. Emergency surgery for the Sun at age 2.5, stressful but we got it. International adoption, multiple hospital stays for the Moon, school, last minute homework assignments. Done, done and done. Deep breathe. First middle school dance. Okay, got it, right? Nooooooooooo.
I thought I had it. We had two events last night. Noah had his first ever dance while Arwyn had her big fall festival at school. We all dressed appropriately. Nathan and I dressed casually as we also were on the dance clean up crew. Arwyn dressed in her Halloween kitty outfit and Noah, as you can see, was dressed to impress. After the fall festival we dropped Noah at the dance and then hung out in the parking lot with another mom before heading over to Slow and Low for a shared plate of barbecue. Of course, we didn’t leave the parking lot before peeking in at the dance (helicopter, anyone?)
We arrived in the parking lot at school (did I mention he’s in Catholic school) promptly at 9PM. The dance was still going and we stood with the other parents watching our kiddos in their own environment. I can’t help but think I wasn’t the only one staring wistfully and wondering how on earth we got to this point….parents of a infant one day and parents of a middle schooler the next.
I guess you are wondering what the heck the problem is. This is all okay. It was…and then…..the lights came on and he came and found us. I casually said, “Did you have fun?” “Yes.” “Did you dance with anyone?” “Yes. We slow danced.” GULP. In that moment, I knew we had crossed a line. “Who did you dance with?” “I’ll tell you in the car.” Don’t panic. Take slow – deep – breathes. Just – keep – breathing. I turned to Nathan who did not hear the exchange. “I’m not ready for this.” It was all I could to to not burst into tears right then and there.
We found out in the car that three girls asked him to dance, which he happily obliged and a group asked him to dance with one of their friends who was too shy to ask. By that time, the strobe lights and heat had nearly overwhelmed him and he had to sit that one out. Luckily, they found another cute boy to dance with her.
Now that I am over the shock of having a kid going to a dance, I can look back at last night with joy that I have a smart, handsome kid that was confident enough to go alone to his first dance and is respected enough among his peers to have a gaggle of girls want to dance with him. There are many moments in my day when the words “Mom fail” come to mind. Last night was not one of those moments. I looked over at Nathan as we were driving home, the car quiet with tired children and said, “We did okay.”
“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.” ~William D. Tammeus
Death and Parenting
October 27, 2013
I spent the better part of my teenage years as well as my
twenties trying to separate myself from much of my upbringing and am
spending my parenting years trying hard to reconnect with it. It has
been since becoming a parent that I have realized the values that were
instilled in me and I try to pass much of it on to my children. Though I
am reminded of this regularly, it is in the way we handle chores around
the homestead and how we present death that I am perhaps most aware.
Maybe I grew up differently than most or maybe it is just that I am very
connected to my Southern roots and look at death through that lens. I
grew up in a small Tennessee town and was born in an even more rural
area. Our neighbors in the area where I was born have names like
“Buttermilk” and “Happy” and there is, even today, nothing but farmland
as far as the eye can see. Folks that grow up on a farm have a
different view of the circle of life than those who do not. And, though
my parents moved us away from a life in the country at a young age,
they did not leave behind their values and taught us how to celebrate
death as well as life.
I guess I am reminded of this as we draw near Halloween, also known as Samhain, as well as All Saints Day. Not only that, but the 3rd anniversary of my Mother’s death was last week and each year at this time I am reminded of the day of her passing. I’m also reminded of how we approach death in our family and in probably many other Southern families as a friend of mine recently lost the family dog after 14 blissful years. She said the most difficult part was how to explain death to her elementary school age girls. Like many of the folks in my life, “she ain’t from around here.” Sitting with her during a moment of grief reminds me that even in the United States, our cultural values vary and are what brings us together and what distinguishes us as groups.
I can remember going to funerals from a young age, starting with my Grandfather who was “laid out” in the living room in the late 1970′s. And, like my parents, I took the Sun to his first funeral when he was around the age 3 and we’ve never looked back. In fact, when we lost our beloved dog two years ago, he put on gloves and boots and assisted Nathan in digging the grave in the backyard before the memorial service. It is perhaps one of my proudest memories of him and proudest moments as a parent (which I can assure you are usually wanting).
I think I am glad to be reminded of these things and am making a point of truly celebrating the Day of the Dead or All Saints Day. We will be making preparations to honor on that day all that have gone on before us. Perhaps you will, too.
“Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life. “ ~John Muir
I guess I am reminded of this as we draw near Halloween, also known as Samhain, as well as All Saints Day. Not only that, but the 3rd anniversary of my Mother’s death was last week and each year at this time I am reminded of the day of her passing. I’m also reminded of how we approach death in our family and in probably many other Southern families as a friend of mine recently lost the family dog after 14 blissful years. She said the most difficult part was how to explain death to her elementary school age girls. Like many of the folks in my life, “she ain’t from around here.” Sitting with her during a moment of grief reminds me that even in the United States, our cultural values vary and are what brings us together and what distinguishes us as groups.
I can remember going to funerals from a young age, starting with my Grandfather who was “laid out” in the living room in the late 1970′s. And, like my parents, I took the Sun to his first funeral when he was around the age 3 and we’ve never looked back. In fact, when we lost our beloved dog two years ago, he put on gloves and boots and assisted Nathan in digging the grave in the backyard before the memorial service. It is perhaps one of my proudest memories of him and proudest moments as a parent (which I can assure you are usually wanting).
I think I am glad to be reminded of these things and am making a point of truly celebrating the Day of the Dead or All Saints Day. We will be making preparations to honor on that day all that have gone on before us. Perhaps you will, too.
“Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life. “ ~John Muir
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