Friday, May 16, 2008

Adoption Blog Posts from April 2007

New Name and the Wait (April 30, 2007)

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog today. It was "The Long Road to China." Now, "The Long Road." The road is long and seems to be getting longer. Though, it could shorten if we choose to switch countries. So, that's why the name change. We are still holding on to China, but it is possible that our child will be from a different country....maybe even a different continent.

Current predictions put our adoption sometime in late 2009. We are looking at around 2.5 years prior to referral of our little girl.

Why? Each day people ask my response is....would you like the short or long answer....all half-truths and speculations from my perspective.

Why.....Okay, here I go:

It is apparent that many families adopt for many reasons. It is not my place to sit in judgement of those reasons, however, there are many things floating around out there in web land that suggests that a SMALL minority of people are adopting due to its "trendiness." In other words, there are small groups of people out there who are promoting adoption from the pulpit and their followers are adopting in order to "save" a child or to appear to be a benevolent benefactor of a poor orphan who needs a home. Though I know those people are out there, they are NOT the majority. Nor have I really met any of those people, though Nathan did feel that a couple of people he met had that attitude at a meet and greet at our agency.

Along those same lines, it is being thrown around in the news media that it is "trendy" and many American families are following in the footsteps of Angelina Jolie and Madonna. OK. That's a load of crap, just so you know. If anyone were to adopt based upon that reason, my hope is that their social worker would realize that their IQ was far too low parent any child, let alone an adopted one.

So, the last couple of years have seen an increase in the numbers of dossiers sent to China for adoption. That, coupled with the knowledge of changes to the IA program (which led to a record number of dossiers being submitted in the Fall) has created a situation where the CCAA is reportedly (this is speculation) sitting on 25 to 30K dossiers. That's right. 25 to 30 THOUSAND families from the US, Europe and Australia are currently waiting to adopt from China's IA program.

The CCAA is overwhelmed (my guess). Can you imagine having that many files stacked in piles all over your office? I can't.

I don't know if you remember, but last year there was an adoption scandal in the Hunan province in which a SWI (orphanage) director was caught embezzling money from the orphanage and possibly trafficking babies to increase her profits (yes, I know, it is horrible. That sort of thing would never happen in the US - get a grip folks - of course it would). The result? Fewer numbers of children are being made paper ready. In other words, SWI's in China are not required to participate in the IA (international adoption) program. So, there are SWI's where the babies are not being allowed to be placed for adoption outside of China. Thus, fewer babies available. (http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-12/22/content_505624.htm)

Further speculation around the number of babies available: Some folks are coming back from China even as I write saying that the SWI that their baby is from is as full as ever. Other's are coming back saying their SWI is nearly empty. The FCC (Families with Children from China) is saying that some SWI's are being converted into nursing facilities (can't remember where I read this, I'll find it and post the link).

Why is this? Why would suddenly after all of this time and China having built all of these SWI's would the population of abandoned children suddenly diminish? Reports indicate that ultrasound machines (illegal in China) have made their way to the provinces and many more women are having abortions once the child's gender is known. Other reports indicate that China is still using abortions forcibly to control its' population (http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1615936,00.html).

Amazingly, (this is off topic BTW) the (okay, I'm having a hard time not using a foul word) Christian Evangelical leader Pat Robertson says its okay that they are forcing abortions to control the population. That's right folks. The man who is a staunch opponent of abortion agrees with it. Here is a link to the CNN interview:
(http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0104/16/wbr.00.html)

Back to the topic at hand. Political pressures (internally as well as internationally) may be playing a role in the slowdown as well. China is currently in the top two countries for IA and maybe does not want to be represented in that way. As China moves forward as a more of a global power coupled with its upcoming Beijing Olympics, it may be that they are intentionally slowing the process down to save face to the world.

Where does that leave my family and what are my thoughts on all of this? Last week, I could barely get out of bed. It's okay and I'm much better now. I think I needed to wallow in it and get down in it last week and get it all out so that I could find my perspective again and clear my head as to how we will proceed.

I believe deep in my soul that there is a child, most likely a girl, waiting for me in China. I also believe that this may be Spirit's way of opening our hearts to other children that we can bring home this year. I am saddened and horrified at the thought of a woman being forced to abort. I also feel for the women who choose abortion based on familial pressure to birth a boy. If the number of babies are declining that ultimately I feel it is good news and means that there are fewer babies lying hour after hour alone in a crib.

We are currently holding out until the end of May to see what happens as the new rules take effect which I believe will allow the program to stabilize once again. Does stabilization mean that it will be less than 2.5 years to get our referral? Probably not. But, it may mean that we have a better idea of what to expect and if we can or should move forward with another adoption.

Until then....peace out.

Ishaya and the Meantime (April 27, 2007)

In the Mean Time. Wow. I do not think I have ever seriously considered that phrase before. In the mean time. I think I understand it now....

I have been a student of meditation for years. I have studied Eastern meditation, Kabbalistic meditation, the use of breathwork and mantras, and a technique called Ascension from the Ishaya monks.

Ascension is based on the principles of Praise, Love, Gratitude and Compassion. It is similar to using mantras but it is not as repetitive as using a mantra. From the Ishayas I learned not only to "ascend" using the technique but to move through limiting emotions. As a general rule, when I am in a heightened state of emotion, such as being angry, I am in that emotion for a short period of time. I allow myself to experience it and then move through it fairly quickly. In a few minutes, hours or maybe even a day.

This time, the stress of the other parts of our life coupled with my mother's most recent hospitalization has made it a little more difficult to move through the emotions. In fact, I may be without emotion, which to me is even worse. So, in the mean time I know I need a little help or a kick in the pants.

A couple of days ago I ordered Rodney Yee's meditiation and breathwork DVD. I also ordered a yoga for stress relief DVD. I am hoping that these two things combined will help me find my center again and allow me to move back into a good state. The current situation has been building since Easter night (the night my mother went to the hospital) and now is at its worst.

I know that these things too will pass and in a week or so I will be myself again. In the meantime I will continue to pray and meditate using the tools I have until my new dvd's come. Then, I will use them as I know they will be very helpful.

In the mean time I will hope that I find the answer to our adoption dilemma that will make all three of us happy and not bring further stress into our lives. I know the answer is there. I just have to clear my mind enough to get there.

I know the mean time will soon be the happy times again. In fact, I am sure that next week while we are in Dino World with Noah, the happy times will be here again.

Dana

What To Do? (April 27, 2007)

As a general rule, I am a pretty upbeat person. However, as seen in the last post, my life is at a crossroads. I have to laugh. Yesterday I checked my astrologer's website and she had it right there....that yesterday the stars where aligned to a crossroads of sorts. The answer to which road to choose? Take an action based on faith without knowing the outcome. Hmmm...Not really an answer, but it's great to know I am keyed into the Universe.

Right now we are watching as the wait time grows. When beginning the process, the wait to a referral of a precious child from China was 7 to 8 months. When we turned in our dossier, the wait time was hovering around 12 months. It quickly stretched to 18-24. Now, we are hearing rumors of 30 months to something like 5 years. Can you imagine? I'll be 40 when our baby comes!

So, what to do in the mean time. If we switch countries we may never be able to apply to China again and we will have lost 3K in the process. We are looking at Ethiopia but there are so many challenges that go along with that. We have also looked at Kazakhstan, but then we are looking at an additional 10K plus approximately 3 weeks of being in country. Then I would have to travel back alone to pick up the baby.

I revisited domestic adoption this week but remembered all of the reasons I was against domestic adoption for our family in the first place. What to do.....Millions of babies in the world, laying in cribs in often miserable conditions and I am unable to bring one home to wear in a sling, to co-sleep with at night, to give bubble baths and laughs and all of the love that he or she can handle.

So, we wait and wonder what to do. Nathan does not know if he can wait 3 years. He says he will be old by then. What to do.

When I know what we are doing, I'll let you know.

Peace.

Dana

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